Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
