So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
