yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
