I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
