OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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