paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
