I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
