Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
