whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
