Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
His hands were made for my vagina.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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