my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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