My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
