I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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