I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
