my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
