so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
