i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
