I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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