Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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