I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
