I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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