whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
