i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
