he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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