please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
