I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
