I wish I only lived at night.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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