The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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