Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
