Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
