he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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