my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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