Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
