**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
this hospital has no fireball
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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