butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
