I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
