apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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