We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
