; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
