Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
