In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
