I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
