forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
