well you can't waste a boner
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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