Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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