i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
