I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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