Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
