she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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