Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
